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Writer's pictureChandz

The Silent 'Strug' into Struggle



Let's celebrate Men’s Mental Health Month! I want to give a huge applause to all the men who uplift us, bring us to our calm mental space and treat us well with gift and acts of affection and look protect us when we need protecting.

November is the month dedicated to Men’s Mental Health. It’s a hidden stigma men don’t express their mental health, speak about their feelings or open up to others. The month aims to build awareness for men by empowering each other including minority groups by speaking about their barriers, sharing insights and discussing their experiences within society.

By addressing Men’s Mental Health and opening conversations which can break their silence will help encourage courageous conversations about how men are ‘not’ seen as emotionally reserved.


In the UK, studies show 1 in 8 men face common mental health issues such as anxiety, depression or social withdrawal. Suicide was one of the biggest leading mental health problem men face between the ages of 20-45 in the UK.

These statistics are increasing more and more as women become strong mindful leaders with more of an independence to manage their own sanity. So what does this mean for Men?

Let's reel it back to history lesson... outdated societal expectations portrayed men as showcasing strong, stoic and ruthless persona within society. Men were carrying a bubble of masculine qualities, however if a man expressed softer emotions such as vulnerability, doubt, creativity, empathy or affection. Society would conflict these qualities against the norm of traditional masculinity. This lead onto behaviour conflicting with societal messages such as ‘men are self-reliant and tough’ or ‘men don’t express emotions’.


So, is this why men still struggle to open up their emotions?

In fact, NO. Men experience the same heighten emotions as women but they don’t express their emotions vividly. Emotions are associated with dominance or strength so men would hide their emotions within the moment but they will express those emotions in some other way through a form of distraction or procrastination hence why men cannot multi-task. Their form of distractions are exercise, watching sports, reading, driving, gambling or gaining entertainment from women sexually.

Suppressing emotions can lead to depression and anxiety including risk of suicide. Men are known to suppress their emotions because society tells them to ‘act like a man’ or ‘man up’ when it comes to tough situations. Women sometimes play a key role in forcing men to hide their emotions because they think it’s not attractive for men to show a less dominant side to them or sometimes a women’s mind may begin to think a man isn’t ‘man enough’ for her due to them showing a ‘softer’ side.

A man who is put into these particular situations creates a cycle of toxic masculinity which can be hard to break once it becomes a habit. When it becomes a habit, men often find it harder than women to break their habit due to past trauma or negative experiences.


So, how can men learn to be more vulnerable?

The solutions is allowing men to express their vulnerable side freely and openly. Men have so many thoughts in their mind so confronting a man with his emotions will cause his brain to hold off from expressing what they feel or think because they themselves haven’t had time to gather their own thoughts and feelings before speaking openly to someone else. So, the best way is being honest about how you feel first, express your thoughts and let them know you are hear to listen when they are ready to share.


Who’s the stronger one? Men sometimes feel like they have to carry this role in being the strong one among their circle of friends, family, work and relationship. Sometimes it’s an expectation given to the man without asking for it, which means a space for them to open up will never be open for them as they suppress their emotions and close off from expressing any kind of feelings, thoughts or fear.


A problem has been solved or unsolved. The way a man’s brain works sometimes during a conflicted situation is normally ‘I want to shut down’ immediately. So, they either take themselves out from the situation/problem by holding back on what they are thinking. Men also gain a sense of feeling trapped in their own headspace with issues building up. So they tend to isolate themselves from people around them which can lead to cognitive patterns, including black-and-white thinking. Things can get worse where they sometimes ‘give up’ and eventually think the simple way out of this is ‘no point’ talking about it anymore which means it can’t be fixed.


This will then cause a back-log of regret in future terms as they never gave themselves the chance to express their thoughts and emotions because their first initial reaction was wanting to avoid the whole situation without speaking about it in an open space.


What’s your love language? Research shows many men can’t articulate their emotions to themselves, never mind anyone else. This is due to lack of ‘emotional literacy’ men sometimes don’t develop this faster compared to women. If a man was feeling grief or anger, they sometimes get confused to pinpoint where the emotion was coming from because they haven’t been able to repeat these emotions often or they end up burying their emotions if they sense it’s appearing up to others.


Given the societal pressures, cultural norms and beliefs; it’s crucial to build a space for men to share their thoughts, feeling and emotions. Whoever is reading this, encourage a man to gain a sense of autonomy in emotional disclosure by creating a circle of trust and vulnerability where they can express themselves freely and allow their voice to be heard.


1 voice helps 1 man from having suicidal thoughts. Together we can help each other to help fight mental health.

One love to all the men who are going through mental health issues, you are amazing just the way you are.


Thank you for reading. Thoughts, likes and comments are always welcome.


Chandni Patel, Mental Health Blogger.

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